Dae Jedic

I’ve been involved in the industry for about four years, and every year I’ve watched the application deadline for the Al D. Scholarship come and go. Every time I saw an opportunity to apply, and every time I talked myself out of it. I allowed my doubts and fears to control me in such an intense way, I kept myself from even trying. As human beings, self-doubt can sometimes be our greatest enemy, and I’ve battled it throughout my life in many different forms.

As a transgender male-ish person born to Yankees, but residing in the South, I’ve allowed myself to be ‘othered’ pretty consistently since I first realized my queer-ness. From the little things, like not fitting in in high school and having different musical tastes than my peers, to bigger things, like my sexual preference fueling my running away from home shortly after turning 18 (on Mother’s Day no less!), it seemed as though I was destined to be separated from the mainstream because of my differences. As I’ve gotten older, however, I’ve made a point to surround myself with people who would love me in spite of (and sometimes even because of) parts of me I once thought of as curses. I tend to gravitate towards other ‘misfits.’ I see now that, for me, being considered ‘normal’ would be pretty damn boring, and I continue to use my differences as a way to reach out to others who aren’t as comfortable with theirs. Simply put, I want to be allowed to truly own my skin, to be the only one completely in charge of MY body.

When I started my piercing career, it was the first job I had where my co-workers saw me and treated me as male, and it was a real game-changer for me. I was accepted as myself, was allowed to have as many piercings and tattoos as I wanted, and it was the catalyst for many very positive life changes. That said, even as I applied for the scholarship and was granted a spot among those precious few, I was filled with that same old, self-doubt. My mind swirled with all of the things that could go wrong, and all of the ways I could feel cast out from one of the only groups I’ve ever really wanted to fit in with. But this time I didn’t let it win. Sure, I barely slept the week before conference, I felt so nauseated at the airport I couldn’t eat breakfast, and I was sure I was having a heart attack once in Las Vegas looking for my taxi buddy, but I still went through with it. I realized that I had more control over that feeling than the terrorizing despair it had over me. And you know what? It was the most eye-opening, heartwarming, gut-wrenching, and tear-jerking experience of my life. I met so many people I’ve looked up to for so long—even though I was still a little too intimidated to meet all of them. I was accepted with open arms (seriously, so many hugs) into a family of people that couldn’t be more wonderful. Literally, I can’t think of anything about them that made me feel ‘othered’ or cast-out or like I didn’t fit in with them. Even though we are all so different, and many of us from completely different parts of the world, by the end of the week I knew I was at home with them.

So if you are like me, and you’ve allowed yourself to be put at such unease in regards to attending Conference that it overwhelms you to the point of avoiding it altogether, think of it this way. One of the volunteers (I’ve searched and searched and can’t remember exactly who said it) made a similar point to all of this year’s newbies: the dread and fear that you feel is the same that you see your clients dealing with on a daily basis. It is simply the fear of the unknown, and everyone handles it differently. But if you can walk your clients through that feeling and help them to the other side, showing them how relatively painless the piercing process can be, then you can also walk yourself through this process, facing the unknown. And even if you hit some bumps along the way, or you have troubles that you aren’t sure how to handle, this is a group of people who wants to assist you. They want to see you happy, helpful, and brave, and they want to teach you how. Let yourself be afraid, and then tell that fear you’ll see it in a week, when its blossoms into the best experience of your life. You won’t regret it.